HUGE LIFE UPDATE!

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

Call it a midlife crisis or, as my friend called it, a midlife glow up, but your girl is in a new state with an entirely new career!

Not sure if you knew this but I spent the last 21 years in Early Childhood Education. I was either teaching or directing preschools, daycares and learning centers. And the last 8 years, I ran a preschool out of my home in northern California.

Well…California started doing free preschool at the public schools, which essentially put me out of business. The last year was rough financially but luckily, I knew it was coming. I had already been working on a new skill. Software consulting. Which is mostly remote positions. And I did it for a monday.com silver partner company as a side hustle. So after I closed my preschool in December, I was able to land a great job as an implementation consultant for monday.com’s #2 platinum partner! It’s a great job and it is fully remote so it just did not make sense to stay in the most expensive part of the country anymore!

So I sold everything I own except what I could fit in my minivan and I came to Oklahoma! Why Oklahoma? Well my whole family is here! I wanted to spend some time with them for a while before deciding where I want my new homebase to be. So that is where I am now. I love my new job and am so grateful to get to spend time with my family!

Dating Update:

I’ve been single about 8 months now. Almost 2 years if you do not count the 2 three month boyfriends I had. Does 3 months even count?? Remember my posts about Benny and Robert?? Lol

What I am trying to get at is I am ready for a boyfriend. But I am single, empty nested AND fully remote! I have never had so much freedom in all my life!! It’s very exciting and the last thing I need is a man to hold me down to a location while he works a boring 9-5 office job. So, I got on a couple dating apps and I am swiping no on anybody that isn’t a remote worker, retired or a business owner that has enough freedom to travel frequently. Plus, I need to find them attractive and they need be emotionally mature and not be bigots….who am I kidding???? I am searching for a needle in a haystack here.

Honestly, I am not in a hurry. I’d like to find a travel and life partner but not yet, if that means settling. I have this fantasy that I will just travel around for a while until something or someone inspires me to stay! I am not quite ready to travel yet. I need to replenish my savings after a rough year but in a few months, I will be off on adventures! Ain’t nobody gonna hold me back! Come enjoy this ride with me!

I will keep looking in the meantime. I have had a few entertaining dates that I will share next. Stay tuned!

Update on Dance Crush

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

Wow its been 6 months!! I have a lot of catching up to do! Starting with Dean!

The concert was a blast. The music gave me goosebumps and the company made my heart race. Dean would put his hand on the small of my back or carefully have his arm over me when we sat. Just little moments of subtle touch. Conversation before the show started was excellent. He is crazy smart and has a PHD in Physics. We had some pretty intellectual conversations which was a treat.

But man, I wanted him to touch me more! He fucking didn’t though. Maybe he was too shy. I mean he did invite me to join him. I thought he was showing interest. But he was holding back! No kiss goodnight, just a really long hug.

Then back to very little texting. Weeks had passed and we continued our weekly private lessons which made us closer and closer as friends…but no more private invites.

Well, I decided to move to Oklahoma which I will write about in my next post but I contemplated if I am leaving, why not get brave and invite Dean over for dinner, dancing and wine?! It’s not like I have to worry about our dance relationship getting ruined if I am leaving, right?! Well look at this big crash and burn LOL:

So…that’s that. Dean got back together with an ex that he never stopped loving. And honestly, its ok! We stay in touch as friends and who knows, if he is ever single again, maybe he will fly out here to see me in Oklahoma and we can take over the dance floor and have a little weekend romance. Until then, he will remain in my fantasies 🙂

My Dance Crush, Dean

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

So I don’t know if you guys know this but I LOVE country swing dancing. It’s been a huge hobby of mine for about a year now. It’s a new modern form of country partner dancing and I am a little obsessed. It is very therapeutic for me. And in times like this where I am intentionally not dating, it is a good way to get some physical touch!

There are certain men I just love dancing with. And some of them I get big dance crushes on. Sometimes the dance chemistry is fire! But it always stays on the dance floor. Only once have I ever hooked up with a dance guy and he lived in Texas and it was a one time fling. Oh I think I posted about him! That was a really fun story actually lol.

Anyway, Dean is one of my dance crushes. I have been dancing with him for probably 10 months. He is an amazing dancer! He’s so fucking sexy. He knows a lot of line dances too and I could watch him all day long because man, that boy knows how to move! I think he is half black. Side note, I don’t know if I have ever seen a half black guy that don’t look good lol

Well about a month ago, my friend recorded me dancing with him. So afterwards, I texted him the video, which triggered some texting which went like this:

Screenshot
Screenshot

So yea, the day after I told him I was single, he invited me to go dancing. That was the first time he has ever invited me anywhere!

I was lowkey freaking out because I think he is so cute but I told myself no dating! So I invited my friends to join us. That way it’s less of a date! And it was a wonderful evening. I danced with him many times that night and the chemistry was hot as always. Plus, he got along great with my friends so that was pretty sexy too. He didn’t drink much, he left earlier than we did and he did not try anything (which is good). I definitely went to bed smiling!

No texting after that.

3 weeks later, that same group of friends and I went back to the same country bar. I texted him and invited him. He said yes! It was another wonderful evening of dancing and flirting. I swear to god, you could slice the sexual tension with a knife! He even did a really cool lift with me. Mmmm…Ithe way he moves, I bet he’s great in bed! Wait…stop it. Can’t let my brain go there! Just friends!

But the best part? We agreed to start taking private lessons together!! I am beyond ecstatic for this

Oh and just like last time, he didn’t drink much and left early. I might be too wild for him. The last thing I need is a man trying to dim my light. But who knows. Some guys are not as wild as me but they love that about me and like to sit back and let me shine. But many get controlling or possessive. I’m a butterfly. I’m loyal as hell when I have a man but I am social and friendly and I like to drink with friends so it takes a lot of security and trust for a man to be able to handle me.

But taking a break from dating and his potential incompatibility with social scenes are not my only concerns. More importantly, I do not want to ruin our dance relationship. Most of my guy friends are not as advanced as me on the dance floor so I have hit a point where I do not feel like I am getting much better anymore. Having someone I can practice with that is more advanced than me is HUGE for me. And I would be so sad to lose our dance relationship because our off the dance floor relationship got messy.

Ok so fast forward 5 days to Wednesday Oct 8th (still no casual texting during those days), I texted him to sort out details for our private lesson and look at the convo that follows:

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You know that GIF with Chris Farley waving his arms around because he’s so excited??? That’s me!!! I could not stop smiling all day yesterday. I mean…I know I am playing with fire here! So I am also freaking out about this. We have never hung out anywhere but dancing at country bars. We don’t even text outside of making plans!! See how he said “a friendly evening of music?” I do not know if he put that in there for me because he knows I am not dating or if he put that in there for himself because HE doesn’t want to date! My intuition is telling me he won’t actually make any moves on me. I think we will just go as friends but what I do know is there WILL be flirting. Idk…I’m a mess. I have zero self control when it comes to guys I like.

This concert is tomorrow. We are going to meet at the BART station near my house and ride it out there together. Which means he’s not driving this time. Well he has to drive home once we get back to BART. I mean…I do have a guest bedroom but I really can’t bring him home! I wonder if he will drink more since we are taking BART. If so, we are probably in trouble!

I am so confused. I am filled with fear and giddiness all at the same time! I need advice!

Robert, the Alcoholic

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

When we returned, I told him we have to just be friends but that quickly was squashed since we couldn’t stay away from each other. It was extremely magnetic and any self control I had was thrown out the window. He wanted to see me as much as I was willing. When I said we need to slow down, he said if that is what I want, he will respect it but that he personally does not believe in setting rules and limitations like that.

He was crazy about me and everywhere we went in his town, everyone knew him and they all knew about me and Vegas already. He introduced me and would brag about me. I felt famous because all his friends were so excited for him and adopted me right into their community. It was so endearing!

But it didn’t take long for me to realize he was a very high functioning alcoholic. I have never seen anyone drink as much as he did. The quantity he could consume in one sitting was enough to kill most people. And he didn’t even act drunk. At one point, I had to take him to the ER because his heart went into A-Fib. He stopped drinking for 2 days before he was back at it.

I loved hanging out with his friends and my friend Kari joined us too. She would sleep with Rick (Robert’s roommate and best friend) regularly after evenings of drinking and we all quickly became like one happy family. We went boating multiple weekends, spent a weekend with our crew at a cabin…it was a very fun summer and even though I knew I was eventually going to have to end it, I was enjoying all of this too much. Letting him go meant losing this entire fun community that took me in. I wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

But luckily, nature has a way of sorting itself out. Eventually I realized I wanted more alone time with him and though he would do it if I asked, he didn’t really want that. I also didn’t feel desired in the bedroom and I thought it was probably because of the alcohol.

The third month I noticed a shift. I was wanting more alone time and his passion for me was fading. Our relationship began to interfere with his relationship with alcohol and that was causing me to feel like my needs weren’t being met and he was feeling like his frat life was being infringed on. Our last night together I felt so unloved that the next morning I broke up with him. And he didn’t argue. He said I deserve better and he felt bad but I could tell he wanted to end it too.

It’s crazy how a force as strong as the one we felt at the beginning could crumble the way it did.

My friend Kari and I had become so close. We spent almost every day together with these guys and she was the one I went to with everything and visa versa. But after I broke up with Robert, she started ghosting me. She kept hanging out with the guys and not me. I felt a little jealous but figured I’d give it some time. But eventually, she was just not responding to me at all. So I texted her saying I dont want to invest in her anymore since she’s not investing in me and I wished her well.

2 weeks later, my friend sends me a photo of her and Robert holding hands. So that explains why she completely ghosted me! She’s fucking my ex! I would bet that last month when Robert was becoming less intimate with me, him and her were already starting up. I will never know but that is my guess.

What’s funny is she was fucking Rick the whole time I was with Robert and she even fucked their other good friend, Freddy, the one that bought the plane tickets to Vegas! He had a girlfriend too. Him and his girlfriend lived right above Robert and Rick too. One night, Kari, Freddy and me all went to Kari’s house for a final final after a night of drinking. Freddy had always expressed that him and his girlfriend were going to break up. She never hung out with us. They were apparently more roommates than anything.

Well, that night her and Freddy started making out. We were all chilling on her bed when they started doing something. We were suppose to be going to sleep. Next thing I know, the bed is shaking and he was clearly fingering her. So I said “I’m just gonna uber home actually.” Called uber and left. The next morning Kari said they didn’t have sex but I highly doubt that. I am sure they fucked.

So yea, she has been with 3 of them now. I sent Rick the pic of Kari and Robert holding hands and I told him about Freddy. I imagine it all came tumbling down. Maybe Rick kicked Robert out (it was technically Rick’s apartment) and maybe Robert moved in with Kari LOL.

Who fucking knows. All I know is I am grateful to be out of that mess!! It’s been 2 months and I am happy to be spending time with people that care about me. I am blessed to have such great friends to lean on when shit like this hits the fan!

So…as you can imagine…my heart is tired. I have not dated at all the last 2 months! But something has ignited my desire to blog again. And I will write about it in my next post 🙂

First Date: Weekend in Vegas!

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

Ya’ll know how wild I am so this shouldn’t surpirse you, right??

2 days after Benny and I broke up, I went to a bar with some friends. I had told the bartender about my events group for singles and he was introducing me to all the single regulars so I can add them to my group.

“Robert, Rick! You guys have to meet this girl. She runs a fun singles group!” I walk over to them and Robert says “Forget about the singles group, I want to know more about YOU.” We instantly hit it off. In fact, my friends and his friends had a blast all night. My friend Kari’s kids actually played sports with Robert’s kids so she knew him indirectly. So when Robert’s friend Freddy said “You guys should come with me to Vegas for my birthday this weekend! I am leaving tomorrow morning! I will even buy your plane tickets!” I looked at Robert and said “Fuck it, I need a distraction from my breakup. Let’s go!!” Freddy bought our plane tickets right there on the spot! Saturday morning through Monday night!

Later that evening I said, “I cannot believe I am going to Vegas with a stranger tomorrow!” He took my face in his hand and kissed me and then he said “Now we aren’t strangers anymore.” It was crazy and irresponsible and wonderfully spontaneous all at the same time.

So the next morning, Robert picked me up for our first date and off to the airport we went. It’s funny because when I saw him (sober) out front of my house, I thought ‘oh no, what did I get myself into?’ I didn’t think he was that attractive with my beer goggles off! But it didn’t matter because conversation flowed easily and we laughed our asses off the entire way to Vegas. It was as if we’d known each other for months! My lack of attraction disappeared very fast and I was here for it. All of it!

I remember he helped an elderly man at the airport and he was so social and friendly with everyone. It was such a breath of fresh air from Benny who was so quiet and introverted. He had this energy about him that was really special and he made everyone around him smile. It was great! I knew we were gonna have an awesome time!

Obviously I wasn’t over Benny so I did make my intentions clear to Robert that I was not in a position to be in a relationship and this would have to just be a fun weekend and nothing more. He was very understanding. I also let him know just because we are getting a hotel room doesn’t mean we are having sex. He got a room with 2 beds and was respectful.

The whole weekend was a blast. Saturday night we went to a Post Malone/Jelly Roll concert which was an incredible show. He hadn’t tried to hold my hand or kiss or anything until we had a couple drinks and then we started showing each other affection. Kissing, holding hands…by the end of the night we were full on acting like boyfriend/girlfriend! You’d never know we just met lol

We did share a bed that night and cuddle but we did not have sex.

Sunday was just as epic. We drank all day and by midday, we decided to go back to our room for a break. And this time our snuggles turned into more. Sorry to make this boring but I do not remember very well how good the sex was. Not because I was drunk but because it was 5 months ago now. I know! I have neglected you all!

But I am sure it was good. Sex with Robert was always good. Very vanilla but our chemistry was solid and he had a great dick so it always felt great. To be honest though, sex with Robert was never very memorable. He wasn’t very creative and I do not think sex was that important to him. I was usually the initiator. And granted, he always said yes and he always worked fine down there but he just never really initiated. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself here.

The rest of the weekend was wonderful and we flew back home on cloud 9!

MASSIVE UPDATE

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

Wow wow wow! I cannot believe I haven’t posted in this long! So much crazy shit has happened in the last 7 months, it’s wild. I am going to give you guys the scoop on how things transpired with Benny and then we will move on to the alcoholic LOL

The last few posts about Benny I wrote in May of 2025 but the dates I was writing about actually took place in January. I dated Benny until Apr 30th so it lasted a few months. He was a very sweet boyfriend in a lot of ways. Very chivalrous, very serving and also he always let me be me. He was quiet and introverted yet he enjoyed watching me socialize and was always willing to come to social outings. He never judged me for getting drunk and letting loose so I didn’t mind his introversion.

BUT he wasn’t affectionate. He had a lot of childhood trauma and was even molested as a kid so I think that messed up his ability for intimacy. He could only have sex if he was drunk or taking boner pills. He rarely initiated hand holding, cuddling or even longer kisses. If he did, it was more for me than him. We even went to the Dominican Republic together and we had a wonderful time but he didn’t touch me enough. We would be on the beach at sunset or standing under a waterfall and he wouldn’t kiss me! He also didn’t communicate his feelings or call me on the phone. He was a classic avoidant!

So we mutually agreed to break up. He got tired of me complaining about it and so did I!

The next day, I was worried we made a mistake. He really did take good care of me, which was something I never had before, so I asked him if he’d be open to therapy and try to work things out. I even wrote him a song (using AI) and told him if he says no, I will leave him alone and never bother him again. He said no. So that was the end for me. I knew I cannot be with someone that is going to run away from me or our problems that easily.

Well one week later, he changed his mind and wanted me back. But it was too late. I had already met Robert…

Spicy Date 4!

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

If you haven’t read date 3, go read it.

Ok so I went to his house and just like last time, he had music on, a fire going and wine. But this time we actually practiced our country swing dance moves that he had recently learned and we played some darts. We were having a lot of fun!

He seemed much more relaxed! He was touching me more, being flirty and it just felt so nice. I’m not sure what came over him but his inhibitions were put to bed and I was loving this version of Benny.

He took me to the couch where I straddled him and he pulled my shirt off. I remember how his hands felt on my skin, like a drug addict finally getting their fix. He felt so good. He took off my bra and there we were, skin on skin, completely submerged into each other. He kissed me passionately like he hadn’t done before. He wasn’t holding back. He was ready to ravage me!

So he stands up and carries me, with my legs wrapped around his waist, back to his bedroom. He takes charge and gets on top. Mmmm ok, I thought, this thing does work after all! I was worried it didn’t to be honest. But it did and it felt great!

Neither of us came. We were both a little drunk so maybe that’s why. Who knows. But either way, it was wonderful!

We did some post sex snuggles and I was really on cloud 9 at this point. I really thought he was getting more and more intimate, and that he probably just needed time to open up.

So I went home that day very happy!

More Benny Shenanigans…

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

I’m going to skip date 2 because I can’t remember where we went. I just know it was a good date and he didn’t make a move, just a kiss goodnight!

Communication to this point had been less than I desired. Not that he didn’t text frequently enough. It’s just that most of his messages were very short. Like I just wanted more depth from him. Intimacy was lacking.

Even though we had a drunk night with friends where we ended up having sex, sober Benny was quite different. He was very much an internal thinker. He doesn’t really share his opinions and thoughts so openly the way I do so there was a constant desire to get more from him. And when he was drunk he was able to provide that. He’d get way chattier and touch me more.

I was very attracted to him and he was super chivalrous so I was choosing to ignore the intimacy issue. The most chivalrous man I’ve ever dated. He wanted to take care of me and that made me feel really special. I could tell that acts of service and gifts are his love language. I was hoping the intimacy would just take time because he’s guarded.

Before date 1, I told him I was bummed we had sex because I wanted to wait 3 dates. So he said he was gonna hold me to that. He said we can still do it. Which was fine cause I didn’t even remember having sex with him!

So for date 3, he invited me to just come to his house. And you know by this time, I wanted to fuck the shit out of this man so I gracefully said yes. And in my mind, date 3 meant go time!

But also, more importantly, I was looking forward to a more intimate setting.

So I show up and I’m immediately impressed by him. He has a lovely home with music playing in the background. He has me sit on the couch while he starts a fire. Then he pours me a glass of wine. He is KILLING the vibe check. He also has a sweet dog named Cali that I just adore!

Then we talked. A lot. He really opened up to me about his past. This man had it really rough. Foster care the first 8 years of his life. Then his mom got sober and got him back. But then she fell off so she sent Benny and his brother off to his dad’s house, where he was badly abused. After him and his brother received a brutal beating, he took his brother and ran away back to moms.

I mean no wonder this guy is avoiding intimacy and vulnerability, right? He never had a reliable adult he could count on. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him “I promise you can trust me!”

We had some great talks and I really did appreciate his vulnerability. I felt like (and I told him this) I am slowly breaking down his walls, one at a time. He agreed and asked me not to give up.

We eventually started kissing on his couch but he was still holding back. It was like he was scared of something. Scared of having sex. I wasn’t sure. But eventually he told me he needed to get some sleep and sent me home.

I was baffled. This guy is showing me so many signs that he is really into me but when it comes to intimacy, he’s pulling back.

So after I left, I asked him why he didn’t want to have sex. He said because that was date 3. He was doing what I wanted. He acted like he was doing it for me but my intuition knew it was more than that…

Next up…date 4.

Valentines Day w/ Benny

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

So things with Benny had been going well. He was slowly but surely letting his guard down, he was talking more and more every day, and touching me more. I really thought this could be something great if he is able to keep opening up more.

So on Valentine’s Day, we decided to go to a winery and a spa for a massage and a hot tub soak, then back to his place where he wanted to make me dinner.

The winery was lovely. Small place but super cute. We had cozy lounge seats that looked right over the vineyard. Benny had never been wine tasting before so I was excited to show him what it’s like and we really enjoyed it.

Then we get to the spa and they walk us into our private hot tub room. which was awesome but he didn’t touch me as much as I would have liked. We are naked in a hot tub together! How do you not want to be making out with me right now??? I had to initiate and he did kiss me back and we had some sweet moments but I was holding myself back because I was not feeling as much passion from him as I was feeling.

After that, we got our massages which were wonderful. It really relaxed us and by the end, we were hungry and ready to go back to his place.

When we get to his house, I couldn’t believe what he had done. On the table were flowers, a balloon, a teddy bear, a valentines card, bubble bath, a candle and chocolate covered strawberries!

So sweet right?

Once we got to his house, he became much more affectionate. He poured us drinks so I thought maybe that’s part of it. I also had a sneaking suspicion he uses pills to help him have sex so maybe he popped one when he got home.

He had dinner already slow cooking in the crock pot so it was a quick transition to dinner. And while we were sitting for dinner, I asked him “Do you use pills to help you have sex?”

He said yes. Told me his anxiety meds give him a low sex drive. I was so glad he told me the truth. I assured him he didn’t need to hide that or feel any shame. I don’t really give a shit if you have to take something, as long as it works! But I also got to tell him he doesn’t need to be afraid to touch me if he’s not taking a pill. We don’t always have to have sex. If you don’t touch me cause you are afraid it will make me horny and so you don’t touch me at all, that’s just not gonna work for me. I can handle not having sex but what I can’t handle is not snuggling and touching. He understood and appreciated me allowing him to be vulnerable again. It was a really special moment. I felt like I just broke one more wall down.

Which is probably what led him to what he said next:

Him: “We should talk about us.”

Me: What do you mean?”

Him: “I told you I’m all in and I meant it. I want the label. I want to be able to call you my girl.”

Me: “Well ok then, you can call me that and you can have the label!”

So that was it. He was my boyfriend. I prayed he’d keep opening up and I am committed to seeing this through.

Was I worried he won’t be affectionate enough? Even intimacy in conversation? Will it be enough? Is he too quiet and serious?? We don’t laugh enough? These were all my worries but I really liked him a lot and I wanted to see this through. I had to. He deserves someone reliable and loyal to show him he’s worthy of that. So he can keep letting his walls down.

I know! That’s not really my job. I don’t need anymore projects. And I won’t. If I don’t see continual progress, I will end it. I promise!

Benny

Posted on by Dating Shenanigans

Oooh we gotta catch up. Been too long since I have given you all an update!

After army guy broke my heart and I was able to walk away from him despite how much I liked him, I realized that I have the strength to leave a man that doesn’t treat me right. It was a bit of an ah hah moment for me!

And it made me want a relationship again. I believe in myself now that I won’t allow myself back into anything toxic so I guess it’s ok to try again!

Ok so let’s go back in time a little. In May of 2024 I threw a speed dating event for my singles group. One of the participants was Benny. Handsome tall Italian man. Quiet. But charming. I was with C then so I didn’t think much of him. But I noticed how cute he was for sure.

Fast forward to June, we did a river float and Airbnb trip with the group and Benny came. But he had a girl with him. A girl he met at the speed dating event! I recall thinking “damn, he’s cute, too bad he’s taken.”I also kinda had my sights on someone else that weekend anyway.

Fast forward to early December. Benny was now single but I was dating army guy, which Benny didn’t know.

There was a post in my singles group telling people to leave their crush’s initials anonymously or as yourself.

Benny commented anonymously “I have a crush on (insert my full first and last name).” Benny doesn’t interact on the page much at all so this was a bold move for him. And I’m an admin so I can see who the anonymous posters in my group are.

So I dmed him and I told him I’m single technically but my heart is with someone else right now so it’s probably not a good time to date. I also told him I have always noticed him and if it weren’t for my situation, I’d definitely be interested.

He told me to let him know if it ends and if so, he’d love to take me on a date.

Fast forward to the Christmas party (Dec 14) with the army guy. This is in a previous post but he was hitting on my friends in a very ick way and even grabbed my friends butt.

So I dumped him the next day. It took every bit of strength I could muster but I did it! And I blocked him on all platforms because I knew if he reached out and had some big grand apology, I’d probably take him back.

When Benny found out I was sad, he sent me the song “Blue Ain’t Your Color.” A really sweet song about a guy saying she doesn’t look good sad and he’d never make her sad like the other guy did.

So cute right?

He told me he’s sorry it didn’t work out and I opened up to him about how much I liked that guy. I let him know I am gonna need a little time to heal from this one. I didn’t want him to be a rebound. I felt some potential with Benny.

He agreed. So we would randomly text from time to time and then shortly after NYE, we finally decided to go on a date!

I was really excited that the stars had finally aligned for him and I.

But then he threw a wrench in my fantasy! 3 days before our date, he messaged me and said there is something going on in his personal life and he had to sort it out before he can date.

I couldn’t believe it. All this anticipation and then just like that, it’s just over. I told him how important communication is to me and that I really need someone that can be vulnerable with me. It didn’t take too much convincing before he opened up and told me.

He said he takes medication for anxiety and he was symptom free for years. He thought his anxiety was gone so he weened himself off the meds. And now his anxiety is back. He said he’s getting back on his meds and will be better soon but he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want me to look at him differently.

I told him I was looking differently at him 10 min ago when he was going to push me away but that now I see he is self aware and doing what he needs to do to fix things and to let me know when he’s ready.

Next time I see him is at a group event. A country bar. About 8 of us went. We all got pretty tipsy and were dancing and having a great time. Benny and I were definitely flirting! And next thing I know I wake up and he’s laying next to me telling me he has to get home to his son. It was like 4am.

At this point, I start realizing I forgot some of the night. Fuck!

I just knew he was dressed when I woke up and he kissed me goodnight and left. So here I am thinking all we did was makeout!

As the day progressed, I started putting pieces of the puzzle together. I saw videos. I wasn’t sick or falling over, just having a great time. My friends told me Benny took me out on the dance floor at the end of the night and I don’t remember any of that.

By the end of the day, I was feeling the start of a UTI which was a big clue I probably had sex. So I asked Benny and he said yes we did. He was shocked I didn’t remember. Said I really seemed fine.

Well that’s me. I forget very easily when I drink. Apparently he and two other of our friends came to my house and we all had a beer together there after the bar closed. Then one left and the other crashed on my couch. I don’t remember any of that either!

According to Benny, I dragged him into my bedroom, sat him on my bed, took off my clothes and straddled him. He said I was very seductive and convincing. And honestly I’m not surprised. That’s totally something Drunk me would do 😂

I was disappointed in myself though. I literally JUST started saying I’m going to date with intention now and not sleep with guys right away. I told Benny I really wanted to wait a few dates before having sex and he said “Well then we can still do that. Let’s just pretend last night never happened and still take our time getting to know each other.” I appreciated him being so understanding and agreed.

So about a week later, we finally went on our first date!

So it’s Friday, January 17th and he planned the whole thing. He arrived at my door with the most beautiful bouquet of red roses. These weren’t no grocery store flowers. They were so lovely! I put them in a vase and then we left. He held the door for me and was just a complete gentleman the whole time.

He took me to a place in Livermore called Da’Boccery which had a bar, axe throwing and bocce ball. We had some appetizers and drinks and then we did some axe throwing. It was fun and flirty and we had a great time.

I know we kissed that night I got drunk but I honestly don’t remember it. I remember a small kiss goodbye but I didn’t remember making out. So when we were taking a break between axe throwing, he kissed me and it was lovely. I felt like “finally!” A short kiss but a little open mouth and tongue. I was happy to finally see how this man kisses and I was pleased. He held back a little. Like he wasn’t gonna full on makeout with me at a public place so I get it but I definitely wanted more.

When I offered to help pay, he said “No way. Never.” I was thinking damn, never?? I mean most guys will pay for the first date or two but after that I’ve always helped pay half the time for things. I wonder if he really means never!

We held hands on the drive back, which was nice. He walked me to my door and came in the hallway. We made out a little and then he said “Ok that’s all you get” and he left. He was gonna hold me to what I said about 3 dates!

I was worked up, I wanted to drag him to my bedroom again but I resisted! So I went to bed all hot and bothered!

To be continued. I still have more to share but this is getting too long!