So I’m currently sitting in stale water. No new boys in the pool. Not dates planned for the future. However, I enjoyed writing my last 2 blog entries so much, I just really wanted to do more.
So…I’m gonna take you back to 5 years ago, right after my divorce, to a particular date that I have never forgotten.
When I got divorced, I was many things. Was it difficult? Yes but only because of what it was doing to my children. As for my own personal feelings about it all, I had never been happier! I was free for the first time after 12 years with a controlling husband and I was finally able to enjoy sex for the first time after 12 years of terrible sex (he was my first and only until we divorced at age 30). That’s a complicated story for another time, but the point is I suddenly found out sex was awesome, after fearing for 12 years I would never enjoy it. This, combined with suddenly having no kids 50% of the time, let’s just say I cut loose. I call it my slut phase. Last thing I wanted was a relationship! I was like a bird let out of her cage! Day 1, my friend got me on a dating site and I didn’t waste any time! I made a very honest profile, explaining exactly why I do not want a relationship and was just interested in going out and having a good time without restrictions. So here’s one date in particular that I still look back on to this day as one of the best dates I’ve ever had.
It was a Saturday…late morning. I had a date planned for that evening with Nick, who I had not met yet. In the meantime, I started chatting with Brian. Turns out Brian lived only like a mile away. Not to mention he was a total hottie. I really wanted to see him in person. So, I tell him I’m going to the coffee shop down the street to get coffee for my roommate and asked him if he wanted to join me. He said yes, and next thing we know we are sitting at the coffee shop having excellent conversation. Omg I was so attracted to him. And the chemistry was mutual! When we finished coffee, Brian says to me “I don’t want this to be over. Wanna go bowling?” Of course, I said yes and we decided he would follow me home, we would give my roommate her coffee and then go in his car to the bowling alley. While driving in separate cars, I quickly called Nick and cancelled our date for that night. So we walk into the house and here’s where I screw up. I introduced Brian to my roommate as Nick. Yup. Wrong name. But here’s the funny thing. Brian doesn’t say a word. He shakes her hand and we go on with our date like everything is perfect.
The chemistry was so hot, you could probably see steam coming off of us. When we arrived at our lane, Brian asks me to enter the names. He was testing me. Let’s see what name she puts on the scoreboard. Do you think I put the right name? Nope. I wrote Nick right on there. And did he say a word? Nope! He just let me continue to make an ass of myself. None the less, we flirted and bowled for like 3 hours. Here’s a little trick I learned from Brian about how to make bowling dates more fun that I still use to this day. He says to me “Ok this frame, we bowl with our bad hands,” then later “now this frame, spin around 3 times before you bowl.” He had a bunch of fun little ways to bowl and the way he took charge and initiated fun ideas was super hot. So eventually we had to stop bowling and he looks at me and says “I still don’t want this to end, wanna go to the movies?” and of course I said yes! By this point, I was putty in his hands. I would have done anything he asked me to do lol.
When we arrived at the movie theater, we chose a movie that wasn’t playing for like an hour so we decide to play in the arcade, which was also lots of fun. By this time, I wanted him to kiss me…he was so fucking cute. But he didn’t. He was a total gentleman. After we sat down in the theater, I made a potty run. While sitting on the toilet, I pulled out my phone and started looking through my texts. It was at that moment that I realized I had been calling him by the wrong name all along!! Omg I was horrified. So I go back, sit next to him and I said “Your name is Brian…not Nick. I know this. I’m so sorry.” He told me it’s ok and was very understanding. I asked him why he never corrected me and he said “Everything was going so perfect. I didn’t want to make things awkward.” Can you believe this man? Could he have answered that any better?! Where did he come from and why did he have to come into my life when the only thing I knew was that I could not be in a relationship! Well…at this point, I was just going to enjoy his company and worry about everything else later. I think we may have held hands in the movie, I’m not sure. I just know we didn’t make out and frankly, I was really hoping we would.
After the movie, he took me home and walked me to the door. We both agreed it was a wonderful date and wanted to see each other again. He gives me a hug and he leaves. No kiss. If there was ever such thing as a female version of blue balls, this was it. I could feel the tingles of my vajajay all the way up to the pit of my stomach. We texted sweet nothings to each other until it was time for bed and I slept on Cloud 9 that night.
Date 2 was just as wonderful, however I cannot remember where we went. All I remember is at the end of it, he still didn’t kiss me. I was going to lose my mind. The anticipation was so intense, it was killing me.
Date 3, now this one I remember. We walked to a nearby park and played in the playground. We swang on the swings and had some great meaningful conversations. Plus…he finally kissed me. From that point on, we were hooked. Even though we knew we weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend, we sure acted like it. We were so cheesy, I remember one time he wrote a note that said “I really like you. Do you like me too? Circle yes or no.” He took a pic of it and texted me the pic. Did I find it cheesy? No. I was all googly eyed. I printed the pic out, circled yes with a pen, took a pic and sent it back. This is how bad we had it! Now, this is the part that is hard to share because my current state of mind would never do this. Despite how crazy about him I was, I also was deathly afraid of how attached I was getting. I wasn’t ready for that! I forced myself to go on other dates. And I was honest about it with Brian. He was so understanding at the beginning but as we got more and more attached, I think he eventually realized I wasn’t going to change my mind and so he decided to distance himself from me. And I don’t blame him. Looking back, I cannot believe I was so cold. So caught up in my own emotions that I completely disregarded his as equally as important. To this day, I feel guilt about that. I have a hard time understanding my state of mind back then because nowadays, I’m so the opposite. There isn’t anything I want more than to find a connection like that again and be with that person for the rest of my life.
But what brings me joy is seeing that Brian found his happiness. He moved closer to his kids so he can be with them more and he found the love of his life and they seem very happy on Facebook. I really hope they are. He deserves it…such a good guy!
Dear Brian…if you ever read this, please know how sorry I am for the way I treated you. I will always remember you fondly.
Oh…and from that day forward, my friends and I always used the term “Super Date” to refer to an awesome date that doesn’t stop because 2 people are enjoying each other so much. These are very rare.