Continuing with Temporary Love

Wow. It’s been almost a month since I last blogged. Not much has changed in the dating department.

C and I are just enjoying being together. Crazy to think it’s already been almost 3 months since we started dating.

The sex has slowed down to only once a day instead of twice a day. Still great sex but maybe a little less exciting and becoming a little more…habitual. We talked about doing another role play soon. That should spice things up so I look forward to that!

As we climb out of the clouds and learn more and more about each other’s flaws and quirks, one thing I’m just so impressed by is our ability to face any conflict together with maturity and free of any toxic behaviors. There have been moments where had it been any of my ex’s, it would have turned into an argument. But C gets it. He understands exactly what I’ve been trying to accomplish with all my exes to no avail. Healthy communication.

THIS is C’s purpose in my life. He’s raising the bar. He’s assuring me that yes, there are men out there that can do this. He’s getting me use to being treated with respect. He’s helping me train my brain to expect emotional intelligence from my partner. And for this, I will forever be grateful. When it’s time to say goodbye to C and find the man I’m going to grow old with, I will not settle for anything less. Because this is what I will be use to.

For those that aren’t caught up, C is only 31 (I’m 41) and he still wants to find a wife he can have children with. And he should because he is going to make an incredible father someday! My youngest just turned 18 and I’m done having children so him and I can’t be together forever.

But we’ve decided to enjoy each other for a while before we say goodbye. We are both just really grateful to have an emotionally intelligent partner that appreciates personal growth as much the other so we are just soaking it up. We could talk for hours about human behavior and the psychology of relationships. Both equally fascinated by it!

Regardless, there are a few things about him that are starting to show.

For one, he can smell sometimes. And it turns me off. I think this is part of the reason my sex drive is going down.

Also, he’s a gamer. He’s a night owl and sleeps in hours later than me. This hasn’t really impacted our relationship yet because when I’m with him, he doesn’t play and we go to bed together. Despite that though, I still wake up 2-3 hours before him. If we lived together and he was gaming instead of being in bed with me at night, this would likely be a problem.

I’m such a morning person. I’m in the best mood and every stretch and every cuddle just feels sooo fucking good. My senses are just EXTRA which is why I love morning sex. It’s my favorite time to have sex! And most guys have morning wood which is a big turn on. But not C. He’s too sleepy when he first wakes up. It takes him like an hour to even open his eyes after he wakes. Eventually he does wake up enough to want sex but it’s a slow process getting there and I likely already spent the last couple hours feeling neglected. Haha ok that’s a strong word. Not neglected but just wishing he would wake up.

I probably need to get better at finding other things to do! Sometimes I read, sometimes I just go on social media. But ultimately, I’m waiting for him to wake up.

So yea…I hope my future partner is a morning person.

The other thing I notice about C is that sometimes, in a group setting, he can be a little…hmm what’s the word? Not awkward but just he will sometimes say or do things that he doesn’t realize won’t be well received. It can almost be condescending even. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time he’s great in social settings. But every now and then, I find myself feeling a little bit embarrassed for him.

Last week I actually called him out on it. In the nicest possible way of course but it was something that bothered me for 2 days and I thought, you know what? C is all about personal growth. Maybe he’d want to know this. Here’s what happened.

We had a get together with our group of friends for a birthday. Our friend, T, and her 18 yr old daughter, K, were talking about how much they like crime tv. And C jumps in and says he doesn’t like it because it’s nothing but drama. After them saying it’s real life, real people, he said “maybe a better word is cheap.”

I just thought ‘Wow that’s so rude to insult what someone just said they like!”

I kept thinking about it. At one point, it came up in conversation, and I jokingly said “Omg you called it cheap, you meanie haha.” I tried to make light of it but still had an urge to say something. Clearly this was bothering me so I decided I better say something so I don’t let it slip out in non constructive ways like that anymore. I should have done it in person but none the less, glad I spoke up.

Here’s how that went:

Now that is the kind of communication I desire in a partner! Any of my exes would have found something wrong with me and pointed that out instead of analyzing themselves. This is what I mean by emotional intelligence ya’ll!

We’ve had a few conflicts so far and all of them were discussed and worked out in a mature manner. Like we are both on the same fucking team. And it sure feels good!

So for now, I’m just living the girlfriend life. No crazy dates. But I will be back with some role playing stories soon! C and I are going camping for 5 nights coming up June 5-10 and I think we are going to incorporate some role play one of the days we are there!

I can’t wait to just unplug and be with C. I’ve been very focused on my family this month which has been a blessing in its own right. My parents have been in town and my son is about to graduate! So we’ve been spending a lot of time doing family things. Plus it’s the busiest time of year for me at work so I’ve been swamped. So C and I have only been together a couple times a week the last few weeks. I do miss him.

Anyway, sorry for the long blog. And not much juicey stuff. Just real life shit! If you actually made it to the end of this, let me know. I see your “likes” but never hear from you. Leave a comment! I give you permission to analyze my life! 😂

It’s Complicated

So ya’ll know C and I have gotten more serious than we intended. Ya’ll know we were not gonna be exclusive. That he desperately wants to have children and I’m done with that chapter. Which is a dealbreaker. We will never be together long term.

But then he told me he loved me and everything changed. We naturally started spending all our time together and I stopped dating. I assumed we were exclusive. At least for now. Temporary love I called it. And I never asked him if he stopped dating as well but I made the assumption.

Well 2 weekends ago, while in his car, his mom and stepdad called. They were on speakerphone when his stepdad said “So are you spending all weekend with Linda or did you squeeze in a date with the lawyer?”

My heart dropped. He didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t outside our original arrangement. But we were so fucking love drunk that I just didn’t think he was talking to anyone else.

He said he wasn’t searching. A matchmaker he paid for before ever meeting me contacted him and said they had a good match for him. And she was the only one he’s seen since me. They had been on two dates.

So we talked about it. For hours. I cried in his arms. I told him I understand but I just didn’t think it would happen YET. He said his heart doesn’t want to date but he’s afraid he will fall so hard for me, he’ll give us his search and never become a dad. I understood.

I told him I was going to reopen my gates. I will start dating again. Which he logically understood but he also hated how that made him feel. He felt like his gates being open meant rare encounters that almost always failed where as my gates open meant all sorts of dudes be slipping in my DMs.

Which is true. When I hop on Tinder, I have as many distractions as I desire. And there’s a good chance I will connect with someone else. C has been dating and single for 3 years with very little success. He said he only slept with two women in his 3 single years before me.

Well…that’s your choice, sir. You made this bed and now you gotta sleep in it. I’m not gonna give you all my heart if you aren’t giving me all of yours.

The next day, he was anxious and sad. He was afraid he was going to lose me and started suggesting we should just be exclusive.

We agreed to think about it for a few days and ultimately decided to date others. The battle of mind vs. heart. Our minds won.

This made us extra clingy. We literally spent every night Tuesday-Sunday together last week (my son was at his dads). He practically moved in. It’s like we were hanging on to each other for as long as we could because we knew things were about to change.

Well…Sunday being our first day not together, we both had dates set up. This was his third date with lawyer girl and I had a first date to do some beer tasting with a guy from Tinder.

The date was fine. He was a nice guy. But I wasn’t super into him and my heart wasn’t really there.

After it ended, I drove home feeling sad. I listened to sappy music during the drive home and just wished I could be with C.

That evening C called me. He said he didn’t enjoy his date and that he felt really sad after it. He said he even shed a couple tears.

Neither of us even wanted to date. We were doing it out of obligation. And that just sucks.

So once again we are contemplating exclusivity. We will decide tonight! I know I can’t trap his heart forever. I want him to be a dad. But my heart is telling me to give this a few months. Just bask in it for a while. But eventually, I have to set him free…

For those of you that read my blog, I would love to hear your thoughts. I see your likes but you never talk to me. What do you think about my predicament??

Monterey, Rope Play, Role Play and my Birthday

Last Sunday morning, C and I woke up and headed out to Monterey. We stayed at a beachfront hotel until Wednesday evening.

We went to the aquarium, spent time on the beach, visited the beautiful Carmel and on Tuesday, we did our role play thing! Every moment was romantic and fun and everything right. Mmmmm.

Monday night, on a whim, C pulled out the ropes, blindfolded me and tied me up! The spontaneity made it very exciting. My wrists were tied to the corners of the headboard and then he tied my knees to the other end of the same rope. So when I pulled my wrists, it pulled my knees up and apart. He then played with me for a while, rubbing on my body and teasing me before eventually fucking me good.

And get this…after it was over, C said “I have many questions but first and foremost is did you feel cared for?” He said he realized while doing it all that having that much control also gives him a great responsibility to take care of me.

Yes, he absolutely made me feel cared for. From the tenderness of his rope use to the way he would check in with me and the way he made me feel good while I was tied up instead of abusing me. It was beautiful.

Tuesday was role play day and this turned me on so much more than I could have expected!

He had to work remote on Tuesday so I waited until his last couple hours to get into my sexy secretary outfit.

If you didn’t read the previous post about this, I’ll quickly summarize the scene. C is a business man. His partner made a mistake and so he told him he could pay for his mistake by letting his wife be C’s secretary. That’s me. We had to go on a business trip because C had a big presentation. The presentation went very well and the scene begins after it ended as we decide to go out for a celebratory drink.

So as C is finishing up his real life work, I came out in my sexy outfit. He literally dropped to the floor when he saw me. I brought him a drink and made him a dinner reservation. I actually did this and told the lady on the phone that I needed to make a reservation for my boss when in reality it was for him and I for later lol.

Ok so he finishes work and we go down to the hotel bar. I did my best to cover up my outfit with a jacket but my thigh highs were showing underneath. I was a little nervous but fuck it, I’ll never see those people again so who cares right??

So we sit down in the bar and were in full character. C starts thanking me for all my hard work on the project and saying he couldn’t have done it without me. I told him what an amazing job he did. We flirted and agreed we are such a good team. I’d occasionally let my foot drift over to his leg. He brushed my bangs out of my eyes and told me how beautiful I am. I reminded him that we need to behave. You could feel the tension. We wanted each other bad but I was a married woman and we knew we shouldn’t give in to the temptation.

You guys…this was so fucking hot. It felt so real. Like we were really flirting and resisting each other!

He invited me up to his room to continue the celebration with wine. I sat on the bed and he in a chair as we continued to chat and flirt. He eventually moved to the bed close to me. I scooted away from him and told him we better keep some space between us.

Now we were both starting to get drunk. He turned on some music and asked me to dance with him. So we literally danced in the hotel just the two of us. He would pull me close and I’d pull back. Meanwhile, dancing very sexy as if I want him so bad.

After a couple hours of resisting him, I eventually gave in and we made love. It was PASSIONATE AS FUCK.

We were both so fucking turned on!! The resistance made us both so horny! I think I’m sold on role play now.

Then we went to dinner and we were all over each other. Idk how to explain it. We were just so hot for each other.

Wednesday, we had to go home but neither of us wanted to. We decided to stay at the beach while he worked remote and go home after he gets off for the day.

Towards the end of the day, he said “I want to go see a movie tonight. Like specifically with you.” We just spent 4 days together and he wasn’t sick of me. He wasn’t ready to let me go yet. And I was feeling the same way. So despite me having to get up at 3am to catch a flight to LA with my son, we went to a movie at 8:30pm. We milked every last second we could before I left for LA.

I then spent two days with my son looking at colleges. I won’t go into details on this trip since this is a dating blog but I really enjoyed the quality time I got with my son!

I flew back in on my birthday and my son went to his dads. So I went to C’s place. He wanted to take me out for my birthday on Saturday before spending the evening with our friends at a comedy club and dancing.

Should I make Saturday a separate post? Nah. I’ll just try to keep it short!

C took me on a sailboat! We had some perfect Bay Area weather and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I love that he’s not afraid of a little PDA! We also had lunch at a famous sourdough spot on Pier 39 and walked around. We then went to a park and just rested and made out until it was time for the comedy show with our friends.

That was a lot of fun! Our group had 18 people in a big chunk of the reserved seats in the front! We all laughed our asses off and then we went out dancing nearby afterwards.

Holy shit, we danced our asses off. What a fun night! Then we came back to C’s place and had some HOT fucking drunk sex. He even got road head on the way home and he said he’s never had that before!

Yesterday was Sunday and the end of my spring break/birthday week. We went to the farmers market, our for pizza and watched a movie before he eventually had to take me home. While having pizza, we discussed future role play ideas. I’m excited to see what the next adventure will be!

I’m still GLOWING from what an amazing week it was. From the hot fucking romance to quality time with my 17 year old son to a kickass time with friends, I literally can’t ask for anything else. My love bucket is FULL!

I am truly truly truly blessed ❤️

Rant.

C and I fell hard. Like I’m fucked. We are super oooey gooey and just completely love drunk.

This wasn’t suppose to happen ya’ll. I’m screwing up the whole “stay single for a whole year” idea. I mean…who am I kidding? There’s no way I can stop this force nor do I want to.

I will, however, keep him out of my son’s life until he goes to college in the fall. I don’t want to introduce him to anymore men. Not until he moves out. Same with my daughter. She will be back for the summer and then they will both go to college in August. And I will officially be an empty nester.

So for now, we will take it slow and keep our visits limited to mostly Dad days.

Either way, C wants kids and I’m not starting over so we both know this is temporary. Why would I risk getting my kids attached to a new man in my life?

I already lived with two other men since divorcing from my children’s father. One of which I married. So they have pretty much had 2 step dads. Both were pretty good to my kids. But still. I have a lot of guilt around being divorced twice and any negative impact it has had on my children.

All I can do is keep thriving to find HEALTHY love. And hope that I can show my children a man that knows how to disagree constructively without toxic behaviors and manage their stress without letting it negatively impact the people around them.

I think that’s my biggest fear.

What if one of my children becomes the kind of adult that has toxic relationships? Because I couldn’t find a man to demonstrate how it’s done right? All I can do is demonstrate it in my own actions and pray that it’s enough.

Yelling. Gaslighting. The control. So condescending. I know better than to do those things. But my exes did not. Including the father of my children who had/has 50/50 custody. Non of them were bad dads but when it came to conflict, they all demonstrated toxic behaviors.

I wish my children had men in their lives growing up that exhibited a strong emotional intelligence. It absolutely breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to do that for them.

Which is why it’s frustrating that C and I can never be together long term. Yes it’s too soon anyway but eventually it won’t be too soon anymore and I’ll be ready to partner with someone again and I want it to be someone like C 😞

Sex Workshops and Monterey

Saturday was C and I’s sex seminar! 3 workshops in one day! The setting was intimate and it was mostly a bunch of sweet loving hippies.

The first one was about tantric energy. Lots of eye gazing exercises, asking each other questions and even dancing around our partner. We did this with other partners, not our own. Then he paired us back up with our own and did a couple more exercises to get us to really feel each other’s energy. The last one had us try 5 different types of touch on each other. That was fun and intimate and sexy. I think by pairing us with strangers, when we came back together it was special because we were more grateful for each other.

The second workshop was all about rope play! This was fun! The instructor taught us how to do some knots and we bought two of his ropes. He really emphasized the importance of the dom taking care of his partner. Every step should be done in a way that makes your partner feel good and safe. For example, he taught us that when you are undoing the knots to release your partner, he said keep the tension and don’t let it get all messy and loose. And when you release tension on a part of the body, you apply pressure there with your arm or hand, substituting the rope with your body to make the transition more pleasurable. This was so endearing to me. We both enjoyed this workshop a lot and looked forward to applying what we learned in the bedroom.

The third workshop was called The Sacred Art of Flirtation and this was probably my least favorite. They had us partner with someone else and practice flirting in different ways and different levels of flirting. It was awkward and I would have much preferred to do it with C! But what I noticed in the entire group was how it really brought to light everyone’s insecurities. This created some very meaningful dialogue within the group. The vulnerability was powerful.

C and I both felt the workshops were well worth it and we will likely do more workshops with this group. We are truly enjoying broadening our sexual lens together. It’s been a beautiful journey.

We went back to my place to spend the night and then got up Sunday morning to head to Monterey.

Up next…Monterey!!

Temporary Love :(

C told me he loved me on Wednesday last week.

I was completely shocked. Ya’ll remember my situation right?? I’m suppose to stay single. My divorce isn’t even finalized yet. My ex only moved out 7 months ago and I vowed to not get serious with anyone until my youngest goes off to college in August.

And on top of that, C wants to have kids. Badly. And he should. He will make a wonderful father someday. But I will not have anymore children. I’m at the end of that chapter. And I have big ambitions for my life and my business now that I’m about to have an empty nest.

So C and I agreed to be casual. We were suppose to be friends with benefits.

But we fell…hard. We both were feeling it but I didn’t think either of us would say it out loud because we both know someday it has to end.

We were laying on his bed when he said it.

“I have something to tell you,” he said. Smiling and embarrassed, he couldn’t spit it out right away. “I don’t know why I’m embarrassed to say this. It shouldn’t be such a big deal.”

“Just say it.” I told him.

“I love you,” he finally said.

I think my heart skipped a beat. I was flooded with different emotions. Part of me felt happy because I was feeling it too but part of me was scared because I know this has gotten more serious than it is suppose to. I was hesitant to say it back. Not because I didn’t feel it too but because saying it makes the inevitable end that much worse.

My response was dumb lol. I said “Really?!?” 😂

Then I said “Well thank you for sharing that with me. I think I’m feeling it too…I think!” 🤦‍♀️

Why would I say that? Ugh 😂

Then I straddled him and started kissing him.

He asked me if I wish he didn’t say it or if I want him not to say it again. I told him “No, no no. Don’t stop because I’m absolutely falling in love with you too.”

Then we made love. The super passionate kind.

The next morning when I had to leave, I told him “Say it again.” He said he loves me and I said “I love you too.”

So there it is. The deed is done. We opened that box and there’s no turning back now. We are crazy about each other. And someday it’s going to have to end. My heart will break in half and I will have to put it back together again. As I have so many times before.

How many more times will my heart break? When will be the last?

Hand and Blow Job Lesson 😜

C came over last night after dinner with a friend. One of my favorite things to do when he comes to my place is answer the door looking sexy. Last night, I answered the door in this:

Nothing fancy. Just a loose shirt that happens to be see through 😂

It was already late so we just went straight back to my bedroom. We made love for over two hours last night. It was so passionate and beautiful.

Before he came over, I covered my body in kissable body powder. It smells and tastes delicious! And OMG he spent so much time kissing and licking all over my body during foreplay! It was so fucking hot! By the time we made love, I was so turned on.

After he exerted himself to the point of not being able to breath, he went soft. So he said he wanted to take a short break until he can get his breath back.

So we switched to snuggling and I was slowly playing with his dick with one hand while we talked and relaxed a little. After 5 minutes or so, he said “Want me to show you the best way to get me hard again if I go soft?”

Umm yes please! So I move down between his legs so I can fully observe and learn!

I didn’t realize how rough I could be with a flaccid penis! He was really pulling hard on it! And he did this interesting rotation thing that I had never done before. He also really emphasized the pulling down of the foreskin. Which I knew about but didn’t realize just how far I should be pulling down.

C said he isn’t circumcised. Which I never would have guessed. He doesn’t have a hood over his head. I did notice a little extra skin under the head but it doesn’t go up over his head like the couple other uncircumcised dicks I’d seen. Penises are like fingerprints…each so different 💕

So yea…learning just how far back I can really pull the skin down was a surprise to me. He even pulled all the way down until his hand was between his testicles. Does that even make sense without a visual? Lol

He also showed me how to play with his balls. Balls are a territory I am not too familiar with. Every guy is different and some are just so sensitive there that I tend to avoid them. I will go down to the taint or around his balls to the lower shaft but actual ball play scares me! But now I feel like I really know what C likes and that makes me more confident to go into such sensitive territory.

Some of his techniques required some coordination and I definitely will need more practice to master his technique but I am determined. Never in his life has he cum from a woman giving him a blow job or a handjob. So maybe I can have him give me a couple more demonstrations. I want to master him 😜

We had sex again and finished him off. I had came earlier so we both got ours. Then we snuggled all night long and again this morning before he eventually had to go off to work.

He will be out of town this weekend so I won’t see him again for a whole week. Next Wednesday. Then after that I won’t see him again until our 4 day adventure the following Saturday!! I’m gonna miss him like crazy and then we are going to have an unforgettable 4 days together. It seriously can’t come soon enough. I’m dying waiting!

Role Play, Rope and Vacation

Ok so you remember C and I have a sex workshop coming up on Sat, Apr 2nd, right?? It’s 10.5 hours, three different workshops throughout the day (2 of which are about rope play)! And we get to keep the rope we use 😜

It ends at 10:00pm and then we will crash at my house before heading to Monterey the next morning to spend 3 nights at a beachfront hotel! Ocean view, heated pool and spa, fire pits and s’mores! Just C and me. Mmmm mmmmm mmmmm.

Did I mention I’m excited?!

C has to work one of the days but the desk clerk told me the beach is so close that the hotels WiFi works out there. So his office will be the beach that day!

And that got me thinking!!

Did I already tell you about C’s role play interest?? He asked me early on if I’d be open to it. I told him I’ve never done it and I worry I’d be embarrassed but that I’m open to giving it a try. Why the fuck not?

Well that was like a month ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. And the more I think about it, the more it turns me on.

Lately I’ve been asking him to tell me more about his role play fantasies and he gave me some insight. He definitely likes some power dynamics.

Example he gave me: A married business man makes a mistake at work and his boss tells him he can pay for that mistake by letting his wife be his secretary.

The boss/secretary dynamic plays out for a while. Blow job under the desk while her husband walks in. Shit like that. She’s essentially his sex slave until he finally fucks her and she realizes how much she loves the D. So it turns into a full blown affair.

So this getaway trip got me thinking! I told C I have an idea. Since he will be working one day, what if we incorporate that into some role play!?!

He’s the boss. I’m the secretary. I secretly have the hots for him but I am a moral woman who doesn’t want to cheat on my husband.

So while C is real life working, I can actually serve him as his secretary. Get him what he wants, bring him drinks. Rub his shoulders. Flirt with him.

Maybe I’ll find some sexy secretary type clothes and I could even use my glasses. I do have a couple pair that I never wear.

At one point, he may insist I sleep with him despite my moral resistance. C mentioned tying me up to the bed and leaving me there to take a work call. Our room has an ocean view so maybe he will be able to see me tied up through the glass while he takes his call.

“Mr. W, please let me go!” (deep down, hoping he doesn’t).

Ummmm fuck yes! We will have just learned how to use that rope. We will see how the workshop goes first but maybe something like that will play into it. If so, we will essentially be blending both our fantasies together into one 😍

Once he’s done with me, I’m no longer resisting. He fucked me so good, I want more of it.

Role play is suddenly sounding more and more enticing…all of this is turning me on. I could even start the role play before the trip a little!

I’m imagining some messages I could be leaving him as his secretary before we go! Start the build up…

I’m not sure April 2nd could come any sooner. I am feeling very impatient!

To be continued…

I Take it Back!

Omg I take it back that C’s sex drive is lower than mine. The last two times we were together, he’s been a horn dog. I fucking love it.

Yesterday was so much fun. I wake up earlier than him so we agreed when I wake up, I’d come over and just climb into bed with him. So I did just that.

He never did go back to sleep after I got there. We made love instead 😜

Then we went for a hike at his favorite spot in Tilden. It was so beautiful and the weather was perfect.

Then he took me to a play! We even got dressed up! He said he likes getting dressed up! Like where did this man come from?? Good communicator, emotionally intelligent AND he likes dressing up on occasion to go out?

Ugh. I hate that he still wants to have kids. We will never be able to be together long term. I don’t want more kids. My youngest is about to turn 18. I just can’t do it all over. But I want him to have that. C will be a great dad someday. I can’t imagine not having kids and I would never want to be the reason someone doesn’t get that. So…this is temporary. That’s all it can ever be.

I know what you are thinking. Why am I getting so attached if I know it has to end eventually?!

I’m not really fucking sure but it feels too good to stop. So I’m just gonna enjoy it while it lasts. I’ve survived heartbreak before, I can do it again.

After the play, we went to dinner at a beer garden and then back to his place. More love making and another sleepover.

One of the things that really gets me with C (other than his intellect and emotional intelligence) is how affectionate he is! He will kiss my forehead softy over and over again when I’m laying on his chest. It’s so sweet. When we were in the play and his arm was around me, he would stroke my shoulder, neck and hair with his fingers. I fucking eat that shit up, man. I can’t help it. Probably because I’m the same way. Always touching him in some form. The way we look at each other too. So much passion!

When I left his house early this morning, I felt a little sad thinking about the future. Then he texts me when he woke up and said he missed me already. Ugh! So what did it do??? I booked us a vacation LOL. I know I’m torturing myself but I can’t help it! 😂

3 nights at this beachfront hotel this spring break! It has a heated pool and spa, fire pits with s’mores kits ready, an ocean view room and exclusive beach access! I’m so excited!

And on top of that, the day before this, C and I are attending a full day sex workshop on rope play!! We had one planned before but it was cancelled so hopefully this one doesn’t fall through.

But with that said, we will essentially be together Saturday morning through Wednesday. Although Monday and Tuesday, he has to work on his laptop for 6 hours each day but that’s ok. I’ll go to the pool and the beach and maybe I’ll just give him blow jobs under his desk during his zoom meetings. I don’t give a fuck, I’m just STOKED 😂

Update on C

Things have been going really well with C. I like him a lot and I miss him when I’m not with him.

We spent the last two weekends together. His sex drive isn’t as high as mine. I could fuck him like 4 or 5 times a day I think. There’s just something about him that I’m so attracted to. I think there’s some pheromones in play here cause he just feels so good to me.

Last weekend, he picked me up Saturday morning and we went on a hike with our group of single friends. L was there. I gave L a heads up that C and I would both be there. He was totally fine with it.

When we arrived, nobody hugged except C and L. It was like this hand shake turned side hug thing that kindof made me giggle. I think they were both trying hard to prove that they were totally cool with everything which is super sweet. I appreciate their maturity! The hike was fun and then we left and spent the next day and a half together. We went out to lunch and coffee and wine tasting and also spent a lot of time cuddling in his bed.

We had sex twice on Saturday but then not at all on Sunday. He sleeps in so much, I feel like morning sex is rarely going to be an option with him. I’m a morning person so we aren’t exactly compatible in this area but it’s ok, I really don’t mind. He snuggled me all morning in his half asleep slumber while I read a book and fucked around on my phone.

He said he was too tired to have sex and I couldn’t help but feel a little rejected. But then he talks to me like this and I realize it isn’t personal, he just doesn’t need it as often as I do:

I told him I was gonna have sex with him less and this is how he responded:

Don’t get me wrong. He’s sexual. And when he’s in it, he does everything right. I think he worries his dick isn’t gonna work. I can tell he has some anxiety around that and he’d rather not try then disappoint me. I’ve said this in a prior blog but guys shouldn’t stress so much about this. The fear of losing your boner is only going to take away your boner! So don’t sweat it. I get it. It fucking happens and I’m not trippin so why should you?!

Ultimately it was a great weekend and we definitely had a lovely time together. He leaves me wanting more for sure LOL

Then I didn’t see him during the week but he came over Friday and spent the night. I answered the door in lingerie. A black and red corset with a matching garter and lace top thigh highs with the seam down the back of the legs. I put a short silk robe over it.

His reaction when he saw me was priceless. I cooked dinner for him in it and he assisted. So flirty and fun. At one point I was up on the counter with my legs around him. He just kept taking in the view which made me feel very sexy.

After dinner, we went back to my room and made sweet sweet love…twice. I even came twice which is very rare. Then we snuggled and talked until we fell asleep and then made love again in the morning. Which I was shocked about because he didn’t think he had it in him but a moment led to action and he went for it.

That was all the sex he could handle that weekend. We spent the rest of the day together. Went for a hike and lunch, then came back and snuggled some more before he finally went home at 9:30pm.

So it’s not that he isn’t sexual because he is. He just can’t do it 4 or 5 times a day like I could! 😂

Oh and this wasn’t the first time we did sexy dinner cooking. The Wednesday before our first weekend together, I went to his place. We went shopping first and then cooked Thai food together.

Before going to the kitchen, he dropped his pants and then went upstairs in his underwear lol. So after a few minutes in the kitchen, he went downstairs to get a music speaker so I quickly dropped my pants leaving only my red lacey thong and bra and a red cami tank top over. So when he came back in I was chopping food with my red thonged ass facing his direction 😜

Being sexy is fun. Paired with wine, it made for a really flirty cooking session 💕

Backtracking a bit…He asked me when we first started talking how I feel about role-play. I told him I’ve never done it and always thought it could be embarrassing but that I’m definitely open to giving it a try. But only after we’ve had sex a bunch and are really comfortable with each other.

So that went on the back burner until today when we had this convo:

So that will be tomorrow. I’m excited to see where this role playing thing goes. I’m not even sure if I will like it but I can think of a few scenes that would turn me on. Like if he was a bad guy and he kidnapped me or a cop arresting me. Idk. So far those sound the most appealing to me. But maybe he wants me to surprise him and take charge? I’m gonna ask him tomorrow if he had any scenarios he fantasizes about doing. See where he’s at with it. I’ll keep ya’ll updated!

PS. As I was about to publish this, C called and we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours. Sigh…if I was divorced a little longer and he didn’t want kids, I would definitely consider a relationship with him. I just can’t get over how in tune he is with his emotions. He is such an advocate for self awareness and personal growth, which is just super rare in men. He’s a catch. But he’s not for me to catch and keep. Eventually I am going to have to throw him back out so he can be caught by his future baby mama 😦